


Feels so good to hurt so much

by Alyssa_Allyrion



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, implied hisoillu if you squint, potentially unrequited feelings, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29801091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa_Allyrion/pseuds/Alyssa_Allyrion
Summary: “You are not planning to betray me, are you?”“Make it worth my while and I won’t."
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Feels so good to hurt so much

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”

Chrollo lifts his eyes from the book and smiles at Illumi – softly, almost apologetically. 

_Was I really that obvious?_

It was little wonder that Illumi had caught Chrollo’s eye. After all, Chrollo had always coveted things that were rare and beautiful and deadly – and Illumi was all that and more. 

He had hoped to keep his feelings private, but now he had been caught. _Which should have come as no surprise given just how much he’d been looking at Illumi._

“Does that bother you?” Chrollo asks, even toned. 

Illumi leans his head to the side as he studies Chrollo. Nothing in Illumi’s face betrays what he’s truly thinking. 

“No,” he says after a pause. 

Chrollo’s breath hitches in his throat. 

“Good,” he replies, as calmly as he can manage. _He hates that his heart almost skips a beat._

Chrollo knows that he had fallen for Illumi the day they talk of fate. Chrollo – still in possession of Neon Nostrade’s ability – had offered Illumi to look into his future. 

“I will have to refuse,” Illumi tells him after pondering the offer for a moment, “I think having my fortune told would prompt me to act in ways which make it come to pass. Which would make fortune-telling useless, since the only true fate is the one that is unknown.”

Chrollo wants to argue. He wants to tell Illumi that it is still fate that’s making him act in ways that bring about the foretold events. That there was no escaping fate whether it be known or unknown. Yet, somehow, all he can do is stare at Illumi’s almost _indecently_ beautiful lips. 

He is not used to feeling jealous, yet every time he thinks of Illumi’s past involvement with Hisoka, he cannot help but feel that way. Illumi had never described their relationship as anything more than a business partnership, but the words he used – “give and take” – made Chrollo’s mind rush with images he desperately wanted to forget. ~~He wants to be the only one who gives anything to or takes anything from Illumi.~~

Chrollo does not plan to act upon his feelings – not until one night, when Illumi somehow finds his way into Chrollo’s room. 

“Why are you here?” Chrollo whispers, looking at his midnight visitor.  
“You wanted me to be here,” Illumi replies simply, no hesitation in his voice. 

_Oh, he did._

Chrollo does not remember leaning in, only the moment that their lips met. Illumi’s touches burn like cold starfire, and Chrollo finds himself lost in the intoxicating feeling of the kiss. His fingers tangle in Illumi’s long black hair, pressing him even closer. 

As soon as they pull apart, Illumi pushes Chrollo onto the bed. Everything after is a burning pleasure so sharp that Chrollo thinks it ought to destroy him. _Yet, somehow, he survives._

They meet in Chrollo’s room almost every night after that. Chrollo knows he should be happy, and, yet, a worry doesn’t let go of his heart. _He is in love with Illumi – but can he trust him?_

“Illumi,” whispers one night, as they are laying on his bed, basking in the afterglow. Chrollo’s entire body aches, but it’s a good pain. 

“Yes?” Illumi replies. 

“You are not planning to betray me, are you?” Chrollo says. His mind is still hazy form the pleasure and the words leaving his mouth before he could think them through. 

Illumi leans his head to the side and looks Chrollo in the eye. 

“Make it worth my while and I won’t,” he says simply. 

Chrollo stares at him for a long moment. He thinks he had already given Illumi all that was his to give, and then he realizes he was wrong. _Everything, but one thing._

“I love you,” Chrollo says then. In the throes of passion, the words have often threated to escape his lips, but he always held back. _Not anymore._

Illumi hums something incomprehensible as he looks at the ceiling, and Chrollo wonders if he had heard him at all. He wants to repeat himself, to ask Illumi if he feels the same, but his body is full of pleasant exhaustion and his mind hazy with sleep. Chrollo throws his arm over Illumi’s stomach and pulls him closer, enjoying the warmth of his body. 

The future will bring what it does, but he is grateful that this moment, at least, is given to them.

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Fellas, is it cheating if you write a fic about a ship other than your OTP? Jk. Unless...~~
> 
> Anyways, couldn't get the idea out of my head, so here it is.


End file.
